


How it's supposed to be

by travellinggiraffe



Category: Holby City
Genre: Afghanistan, Army, F/F, IED
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 00:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8124283
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/travellinggiraffe/pseuds/travellinggiraffe
Summary: Isn't this how it's supposed to be? But you can't predict the future.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by a JR scene in The Grid. Seemed somehow to be perfect for these two as well. Wasn't intending for it to be this angsty but it is what it is.

Alex sat on the edge of the bed that she and Bernie shared, every opportunity they got. The room was relatively luxurious by the standards they were used to.  It had an ornate, wooden bed up against one wall with a mosquito net to cover it. There was a small en-suite bathroom in one corner and the full height windows opened as doors out onto a narrow balcony with a view over the city. The sun was just beginning to set outside making the sky various shades of yellow, orange and pink. But Alex didn’t notice this particular evening. All she could think about was Bernie, how she was alone in that plane, fighting for her life on her way back to the UK. And there was absolutely nothing Alex could do. She felt so helpless, lost, broken. It was only now sitting her alone, that she realised how much her life revolved around Bernie. How important this beautiful, incredible woman had become in her life. How much she wanted to protect her, keep her safe, make her see and feel how wonderful she was and not ask her to hide what they had.

"This is how it's supposed to be, isn't it?" Bernie asked Alex while the 2 of them lay naked in bed shrouded in the ruffled sheets, Bernie stroking Alex’s hair away from her face.

“How what’s supposed to be?” Alex queried looking a little puzzled.

“Falling in love?” Bernie said simply. Alex felt her breath catch at her lover’s declaration.  
"Yes, in storybooks and Hollywood maybe," Alex agreed.  
"Real life isn't that simple though, is it? I'm not even sure 'this' has got as far as storybooks," Bernie noted.  
"No, real life definitely isn't simple. And ‘this’ certainly hasn't got as far as the Army."  
"So what are we going to do?" Bernie asked.  
A few weeks ago thoughts of this terrified Bernie, but now there was no way she could imagine giving this up. Giving Alex up. She was falling in love with her and it was the most amazing feeling she'd ever experienced.

“We keep it a secret, we pretend like nothing has changed, enjoy the moments we can steal with each other and carry on,” Alex stated.

“Can we do that?” Bernie was clearly unsure.

“Can you walk away? Because I certainly can’t. I will do anything to keep this, to keep you, and if pretending that nothing is going on is what we have to do, then I’ll do it in a heartbeat,” Alex explained.

“I don’t want this to end,” Bernie agreed.

“Then bear with it, give it time?” Alex almost begged.

“You got it,” Bernie said in an instant.

 No-one could have predicted what would happen later that day. Alex never imagined she would have to pull the person she loved out of an upside down vehicle with a potential broken neck and blast injuries. That she would sitting her alone in Kabul not knowing whether Bernie was still fighting, whether she would ever walk again, whether they still had a chance. Alex had seen horrendous things in her time as a medic, life changing injuries, death and destruction. But this, this was a new kind of torture that she wouldn’t wish on anyone.  A tear rolled slowly down one cheek. The darkness had arrived and there was an eerie silence in the room. Alex had never felt anything like it.

_Please let her be okay, please let her be okay, she has to be okay,_ she whispered.


End file.
